Only the airlines can get away with using a term like “pre-boarding.” It’s just boarding. You can’t “pre-board”. People ahead of me in a buffet are not “pre-eating”.
What life would be like if Apple made my refrigerator:
- Every time I opened it there would be a message stating that i could not enjoy my pomegranate juice until i downloaded a patch for that little light in my fridge.
- When I reached for my dessert it would inform me that I had to authenticate this slice of pie before enjoying it or that i had reached the limit of kitchen appliances on which i could bite into a pie.
- Every 15 times I opened the fridge the food would not be there and in order for it to return I’d need to hold my hand on a button located in the dark corner of my freezer for 17 minutes. Then the fridge would flicker and beep like a hungry chickadee for 5 minutes. Eventually my food would reappear but it would be on different shelves and the wrappers would be twisted backwards or gone altogether.
BON APPETIT!
The best argument for the superiority of the female gender is the fact that no woman has ever been dumb enough to really want to be president.
SHEENILE
Definition: When a reckless abuse of drugs and alcohol leave a person looking and acting like an old person decades before their time. Famous sufferers include Keith Richards, Richard Pryor, Muammar Qhadafi, and of course namesake Carlos Estevez (Charles Sheen).
We never know what we’re going to get ourselves into. If Captain Smith knew what he was getting himself into on the Titanic, dont you think he’d have worn waterproof underwear?
More than 400,000 U.S. homes still lack indoor plumbing. That’s a lot of people shitting in the woods.
Forty percent of Americans have never visited a dentist. Thirty percent of Americans have never paid for sex. Which means that more Americans are afraid of having a stranger’s finger in their mouths than in their pants.
We never know what we’re going to get ourselves into. If Captain Smith knew what he was getting himself into on the Titanic, dont you think he’d have worn waterproof underwear?
More than 400,000 U.S. homes still lack indoor plumbing. That’s a lot of people shitting in the woods.
How many poker shows do we need on Television? Every other day a new World Series of Poker is being broadcast on TV. We’re watching these people play cards! Can we be any more lazy? In my family we used to play cards all the time and we had a name for the people who watched us: the retarded relatives.
